Blondes will disappear from the earth

Extinct Blondes


When we crawl out of our isolation bubbles, what are we going to see?

I’ve seen memes, hilarious, if not accurate sources of cultural trends, predicting 88% fewer blondes. I wonder.

A friend circulated an article last week in a group text about the dangers of coronavirus exposure to hairstylists. “According to analysis by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, barbers, hairstylists and cosmetologists top the list of the most contact-intensive occupations.” The hairstylists need the money, but it’s risky business. This text group needs their services, but their salons are shut down.

None of the women in this text group could possibly still possess a single strand of natural blonde or brunette, or black hair. Once you get to the other side of the fuzzy, we’re not so sure about your hair color, 40s and 50s, let’s be real ladies….  We all know you’re doing something, if you’re not some shade of grey. It’s Biology 101.

When the multi-person text popped up on my feed, I expected it to unleash a multi-pinging chorus of complaints about terrible roots, straggly grey hair, crying about no access to their hairdresser, maybe digging out an old wig or scarf to cover it all up, etc.

But, I was wrong. That’s not at all what came back.

It was an explosions of true confessions. There was an outpouring of texts starting with phrases like “please don’t judge me, but ….”. It would seem that a dedicated “dyer of hair” is not going to be easily thrown off her commitment to holding back the grey by an inconvenient pandemic.

Oh no, they have their ways. Hairdressers are willing to do one-on-one sessions at your house in hazmat suits, for a price. They are also willing to quietly open up their salon and take care of you in the back, where passersby cannot see. Again, all for a price. I imagine a room like the one where Saul camps out in “Better Call Saul” (give that Netflix series a try, if you don’t already love it.) Some have also figured out how to touch up the roots on their own, anticipating that this won’t go on that much longer – especially in Texas.

I’m too cheap for all this coloring activity.  Even though my family assures me I am decidedly grey, when I look in the mirror I still see blonde. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Nevertheless, I’m tickled by the creativity and brassiness of all these texts. You go for it girls! I, for one, am not judging you.

I think there are still going to be plenty of blondes, brunettes and black haired beauties on the other side of COVID. You wait and see.

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