The Coronaviary

The 2020 Corona-Lenten social media posts keep me laughing at the irony of it all. Turns out we didn’t need to put any artificial constructs into play to remind us, for a season, that we’re not in charge and we cannot go it alone. We’ve all given up so much more than we bargained for. Even if you’ve never given up anything for Lent before, you surely are doing so this year.

I typically abstain from alcohol and sweets. It takes away some of my go-to crutches when the road gets a bit bumpy. The idea being that I turn to God instead of a glass of wine, or chocolate as a backup plan. It’s usually challenging enough to get my attention without sending me over the edge. A useful by-product is an annual test for any addiction issues.

This year however, the ‘bumps in the road’ have loomed like massive boulders blocking all traffic.

Alcohol sales have soared in Texas in March, but of course, I gave it up for Lent. What was I thinking? That anesthetic would have come in handy as we were advised of new “Stay At Home” orders. I hope there is some wine left over for me on Easter Sunday. Not to worry, I have toilet paper to trade, if needed.

Just when I really could have used a chocolate mood booster, I foolishly put that on my verboten for Lent list this year too. Yet another lapse in judgement. A square of dark chocolate would have been a great soother of the soul as I check the John’s Hopkins COVID-19 case counter before I go to bed each night.

Many more unplanned things I’ve given up, simply because they have fallen by the wayside, or have been closed off to me. Some I don’t miss, others make me sad and others still are a pain.

Who needs hair cuts, make-up, dress clothes or high heels, when I barely make it out of my workout gear before supper. I saw a post asking “when was the right time to change from your daytime pajamas to your nighttime pajamas?” Good question! Could it be that we end up wearing pajamas out in public when this is all over? My father-in-law worked hard to normalize that style in his 90’s, for which he invited much grief from his family. But he may have been ahead of his time – this could become a thing.

Who needs a wallet full of plastic cards, or even a wallet at all, when most of the places where we use these are closed. I haven’t touched my purse in two weeks. My shoulder welcomes the rest — as does my bank account.

Who needs go-mugs, when you’re not going anywhere. Emptying the dishwasher this morning I noticed the unused go-mugs staring at me in the cupboard – like neglected favorite toys in a nursery. Kind of sad. At least we know where they all are, for a change.

Who needs a Find Friends app to locate your wandering kids or spouse, when we’re all fixed in the same place most of the day. One bonus is no more worrying about kids returning home safely after midnight on weekends. All I have to do is stand at the bottom of the stairs and shout to find them. I have however been instructed to please text, the shouting is most unpleasant. 

Who needs cash for the housekeeper, valet parking, church plate or restaurant tips when all that has been removed from our life. I’ve gone from low cash usage to no cash usage. Tracking expenses has been dramatically simplified. Nice for me – not so good for them.

Who needs friends and family in the same town, when you can only see them online anyway. I’m even hanging out with high school and college friends across the Atlantic for the first time, as proximity is removed from how I prioritize my time. My local life has shrunk to the boundaries of our house – everyone else is out there on the internet. Distance means nothing anymore.

Who needs a gym for a quick efficient workout, when I have plenty of time for longer runs on the bayou, and am using many new muscles cleaning my own house. I can’t think my way into anything good about the house cleaning thing! I miss my housekeeper. Waaaah.

Way back in mid-March, a whole two weeks ago, I thought this would all be over by Easter Sunday, on April 12th. What a celebration that was going to be. Now I’m bracing myself for an extended Lent, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to have some wine and chocolate eggs on Easter Sunday, if there are any left in Texas.